Inexplicable
Dear Sam,
I don’t know how to start. I don’t think I know the right words to describe how I feel. I’m so comfortable with the world that we’ve built. It’s easy to fall into it and be content with it. I should be satisfied with it, happy to have it. But, is it insane that I want more? Is it greedy that I ache for the kind of love that ignites fire in my bones? Is it ingratitude to God and the universe that every time I look at you, at us, I can’t help but want more?
For years, I have tried to accept and make peace with the idea that I should be happy and content with this, that there isn’t more for me, that I should stop dreaming so big. My ramblings make no sense, not even to me, but I know that I don’t want to continue to pretend to be happy with what this is. I know that I don’t want to pretend to hear you talk about children and buying a house together with fake enthusiasm. You deserve better and much more the same way I finally believe I do. We have shared a comfortable relationship with each other, a very beautiful one at that. We’ve made some beautiful memories together, but deep down we know, I know that there’s something missing, an elephant in the room that needs confronting.
Maybe this is me being selfish, or greedy, or ungrateful for what we have. Maybe this is a big mistake I’ll regret someday, maybe this is a fleeting feeling that will pass, maybe I’ll chicken out and say that this letter and everything in it is a lie, or, maybe this will be what my inner goddess has been waiting for, maybe this is what I need to put things in perspective. I deserve a love that feels me up so much I can’t help the way it bleeds out. I deserve to look at someone and thank God for his existence, for every step I took that led me to him. I think you deserve same. It will be unfair to us to settle for less because we feel we might not find more, it would be unfair to us to go ahead with this because everyone else thinks we’re amazing together and because we’ve known each other for so long. I want more, I actually want more for the first time in my life, I want more and not want just what life hands me. Let it be that I am not content, let it be counted for selfishness, anything, but I choose to take this step. I hope you see the light in these ramblings, I hope this is for the best. I hope for a lot of things. I love you now and always.
Love,
Gabby
I don’t know how to start. I don’t think I know the right words to describe how I feel. I’m so comfortable with the world that we’ve built. It’s easy to fall into it and be content with it. I should be satisfied with it, happy to have it. But, is it insane that I want more? Is it greedy that I ache for the kind of love that ignites fire in my bones? Is it ingratitude to God and the universe that every time I look at you, at us, I can’t help but want more?
For years, I have tried to accept and make peace with the idea that I should be happy and content with this, that there isn’t more for me, that I should stop dreaming so big. My ramblings make no sense, not even to me, but I know that I don’t want to continue to pretend to be happy with what this is. I know that I don’t want to pretend to hear you talk about children and buying a house together with fake enthusiasm. You deserve better and much more the same way I finally believe I do. We have shared a comfortable relationship with each other, a very beautiful one at that. We’ve made some beautiful memories together, but deep down we know, I know that there’s something missing, an elephant in the room that needs confronting.
Maybe this is me being selfish, or greedy, or ungrateful for what we have. Maybe this is a big mistake I’ll regret someday, maybe this is a fleeting feeling that will pass, maybe I’ll chicken out and say that this letter and everything in it is a lie, or, maybe this will be what my inner goddess has been waiting for, maybe this is what I need to put things in perspective. I deserve a love that feels me up so much I can’t help the way it bleeds out. I deserve to look at someone and thank God for his existence, for every step I took that led me to him. I think you deserve same. It will be unfair to us to settle for less because we feel we might not find more, it would be unfair to us to go ahead with this because everyone else thinks we’re amazing together and because we’ve known each other for so long. I want more, I actually want more for the first time in my life, I want more and not want just what life hands me. Let it be that I am not content, let it be counted for selfishness, anything, but I choose to take this step. I hope you see the light in these ramblings, I hope this is for the best. I hope for a lot of things. I love you now and always.
Love,
Gabby
😥😥😥 And, you just broke my heart just like that😓... Goodbye my lover...
ReplyDelete